letter eighteen

Oh hey. You seem familiar. I don’t really know if I’m glad to see you at the moment, but I’ll let you in so we can talk for a little while.

Love, you have not been kind to me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve used you too much. Too quickly. In the past, I’ve been the first to fall, and the last to leave. You’ve given me some very good memories. Memories that make me smile when I think about them. But these memories inevitably leave my heart aching once the smile’s gone

I remember once writing in my journal when I was sixteen about all the experiences I wanted to have on my own before getting married. I wrote that I’d like to have my heart broken before falling in love with the real deal guy of my dreams forever. I don’t remember why I wrote that. Probably some idealistic adolescent thought about experiencing everything I could so that I could have a wealth of knowledge under my belt when I finally settled down. Thanks for making good on your promise, buddy.

I’m not too upset. I mean, I asked for it. But now that it’s happened, I’d like for you to stick around the next time you want to stay. I’ve experienced many things. More than I ever hoped for. And I’m glad of it now. I feel like I’d be weaker if I hadn’t gone through what I have. But I also feel more jaded having been through it all. And I’m tired of being tired.

We both know I’ll be waiting for you to call again. I’m hopeless and excitable and my feet aren’t planted very firmly on the ground. But I also know that I have a lot of love to give. The last time we met, I was naive. Now I am aware. I know my limits and I know my strengths. And I say, “Bring it on.”

In 2007, I was a lovesick dear with pure intentions and a very soft heart. I was looking for you.

In 2008, I was a lovesick gal with hasty intentions and an eager heart. I was hunting for you.

In 2009, I was a lovesick lady with surprising intentions and an achy heart. I was frustrated with you.

In 2010, I was a loving woman with calm intentions and a strong heart. I was content with you.

And now, Love, I’m leaving a forwarding address for you. You can catch me when you’re ready, sucka.

 

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About danarose

Textbook ENFP, if you're into that stuff (I am SO into that stuff). I love mountains and the ocean and my largest ambition in life is getting all of the people I love to live on the same block, to cook dinner, and talk with them every night.
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